Courting controversy: Dr D's take on Elliot Benchetrit's banana peeling incident

Dear Dr D,

I have ze small problem, but I am not sure what it is. While playing tennis, I hurt my mon mains and asked ze ball girl to peel mon plantain. What was ze probleme? Rien! But it was reported like zis: “The Australian Open witnessed some bizarre scenes as French player Elliot Benchetrit got rebuked by the umpire for asking a ball girl to peel a banana for him during a match.”

Docteur, my ands was eavily bandaged due to ze blisters, so I asked the ball girl who delivered le banana to peel it as well.

Why was zis offensive? Mon dieu it is as zeef I have done a crim. What is one to do?

- E Benchetrit,
Melbourne

Dear Monsieur Benchetrit,

I was about to give you a talking-to regarding the various sensitivities involved here. But I notice also that the tournament that’s lecturing you on propriety uses the words ball boy and ball girl. Carry on everybody.

(The author is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy, but not of his clients)

STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.